He Told His Wife She ‘Can’t’ Have Dinner With Her Ex and Kids — Then Threatened Divorce When She Went Anyway
Her pregnant daughter wanted to celebrate good medical news with just her parents. He responded by threatening divorce.
A man turned to Reddit after telling his wife she was no longer allowed to attend “family dinners” with her ex-husband and their two adult children, unless he was invited too. When she kept going without him, he put divorce on the table.
Commenters, however, overwhelmingly felt he was the one out of line.
The “family dinners” that set him off
The original poster (OP), a 50-year-old man, explained that he recently married his 48-year-old wife after seven years together. She has two adult children, ages 25 and 29, with her ex-husband.
According to OP, “every once in a while,” his wife, her ex, and their two kids get together for what he calls “family intervention dinners,” where it’s just the four of them catching up over a meal.
The most recent dinner was to celebrate good news after a scary pregnancy complication. His 25-year-old stepdaughter invited her mom and dad out to celebrate that her appointment had gone well.
OP, however, wasn’t invited. He only found out because his wife said she was going to see her daughter, then started doing her hair and makeup.
“She started doing her hair and make up which I thought was odd. Only happens for parties,” he wrote, saying he pushed for more details until she admitted it was another dinner with her ex and their kids.
For OP, this wasn’t just about one meal. He says they had a similar dinner the first week of January, where he was also left out, and he doesn’t like the idea of these “family” nights happening without him.
“They divorced and are no longer a family,” he insisted. “I told her I am not comfortable with this arrangement and suggested we part ways.”
He added that it would be “different” if he were included. The issue, in his mind, is being excluded while the ex is welcome.
“They will be co-parents forever”
Reddit didn’t mince words. The top comments made it clear that most people think OP is absolutely missing the point of what these dinners are.
One of the highest-rated replies went straight for the core of his argument:
“‘They divorced and are no longer a family.’ Incorrect. They will be co-parents forever, especially if they have living children and grandchildren.
I suspect your current marriage is in trouble, but the EX is not the problem.”
For many adult children of divorce, having both parents in the same room and acting like grown-ups is a big deal emotionally. Commenters said this kind of co-parenting is actually healthy and something a partner should support, not shut down.
“They’re going to be a family forever, the structure may have changed, but if the adult children want to have dinner with their parents, they can invite whoever they want,” one person wrote.
Another added, “Parenting doesn’t stop when the kids turn 18.”
Several people also pointed out that OP only entered his stepdaughter’s life when she was already an adult. She may accept him as her mother’s husband, but that doesn’t automatically make him part of her most intimate support circle when she’s scared about her pregnancy.
“She didn’t meet OP until she was an adult. It’s totally valid that he’s still ‘people’ to her compared to the parents who raised her from when she was in diapers,” one commenter explained.
Threatening divorce over dinner? “Manipulation and control”
Even people who understood why OP might feel left out thought his response, telling his wife she “cannot continue” these dinners and jumping straight to divorce, was a massive overstep.
“If OP genuinely intends to divorce his wife because he doesn’t trust her to behave appropriately at a family meeting… fine. He’s allowed to find things intolerable and set a boundary,” one person wrote.
“If he’s threatening divorce but doesn’t actually intend to, that’s manipulation and control.”
Others called out how extreme it is to center himself when the focus was supposed to be on the daughter’s health and pregnancy.
“Dude, she had a traumatic experience with her pregnancy and you are making everything about you,” a commenter said. “Your wife and ex are this baby’s grandparents.”
“It amazes me the lack of maturity… The ‘don’t do this or I’ll leave you’ demand is high-level manipulation and coercion,” another added, urging OP to address his insecurity instead of policing his wife’s relationship with her kids.
For a lot of people, the divorce threat alone would be a dealbreaker.
“Yeah, I would never stay with anyone after they threatened it. It isn’t even a subject I enjoyed joking about pre-divorce,” one commenter admitted.
Is excluding new partners ever OK?
A smaller number of commenters did say they’d also feel hurt being left out of repeated “family” dinners, especially now that there’s a grandchild on the way and OP is presumably going to be part of that child’s life.
“On your side of things I can see how you’d be hurt being excluded when you are also family now,” one person wrote.
Another commenter, who comes from a blended family themselves, said that consistently excluding current partners is “pretty unusual” unless there’s a specific reason they make people uncomfortable.
And that’s where Reddit seemed to land: if the daughter and her brother are deliberately not inviting OP, there is likely a reason, and it’s not because they can’t tell the difference between a family dinner and some romantic reunion fantasy.
“It really sounds like the mom’s husband would sour the mood with an ‘innocent’ comment and double down with how ‘it was just a joke’ and ‘they should be less sensitive,’” one person guessed.
Others pointed out the obvious: the daughter is the one organizing these dinners. It’s not his wife’s job to strong-arm her into including a stepdad she doesn’t feel close to.
“Her stepdaughter initiated the dinner. She chooses who to invite. Did you ever consider she may not have invited you for a reason?” a commenter asked. “Talk to your stepdaughter… rather than issuing ultimatums to your wife.”
The consensus: He’s in the wrong
In the end, the top comments were remarkably consistent. Most agreed on three points:
- Her ex is still family to the kids, even if the marriage ended.
- An adult daughter wanting to celebrate vulnerable pregnancy news with just her parents is completely reasonable.
- Threatening divorce and trying to “ban” your spouse from those dinners is controlling and rooted in insecurity, not respect.
As one commenter put it bluntly:
“Yes, YTA. They’re not going for a romantic dinner, they’re going for a family dinner. They’re still a family to those kids. You have to either work on being less insecure or walk away, knowing that you’re blowing up a relationship.”
Another didn’t see much of a future here if OP can’t adjust:
“They are showing infinitely more maturity than you are displaying… If you don’t trust your wife, you shouldn’t have married her.”
Reddit’s verdict was clear: if OP can’t accept that his wife will always share a family — and now a grandchild — with her ex, he’s going to lose this marriage. Not because of one dinner, but because he tried to control it.
If you’re into more stories where partners cross some serious lines, I’ve also written about a dad who blew the grandkids’ college fund on a $130,000 boat and a husband who left his 7-week-postpartum wife alone with the baby so he could stay in a hotel with his parents.
He Spent the ‘Grandkids’ College Fund’ on a $130,000 Boat — Now His Adult Kids Are Furious
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