He Told His Wife’s Friend, ‘Of Course You Won’t Find Any Good Men’ After Hearing Her Dating Strategy
A married guy on Reddit is going viral for saying what a lot of people were already thinking about one woman’s “dating technique.”
He’s 38, his wife is 34, and they were having some friends over for dinner when one of her friends (32) started venting about how she can never get “good men” to stick around. Standard complaint, everyone nodding along.
Then she explained her strategy.
Her method is to show as little interest as possible and even ghost men she actually likes, because she wants them to “fight for her.” If they chase, she takes it as proof they’re serious.
He laughed and told her that was “plain stupid,” adding that decent men who respect boundaries are not going to keep chasing someone who appears disinterested. The only guys who push through clear rejection are usually the ones you should be running from.
His wife immediately nudged him and told him to stop. Later, in private, she admitted she agreed with him but thought he didn’t need to be that blunt. So he went to r/AITAH to ask if he was out of line.
Reddit’s verdict: mostly NTA.
Commenters argued that you can’t demand men respect “no means no” and then build your whole dating life around saying no when you secretly mean yes. If you ghost or act cold, most emotionally healthy adults will assume you’re not interested, feel a bit stung, and move on. The ones who keep pushing past that are exactly the type she says she’s tired of.
In an update, the husband shared more context. A few years ago, this friend cheated on a long-term boyfriend “to punish him” after a fight, confessed, got dumped, and has been stuck in a loop of one-night stands and short flings ever since. It’s not hard to see how guilt and fear of getting hurt again could turn into a warped “I’ll make them chase me” defense mechanism.
To his credit, the OP doesn’t hide behind his diagnosis. He’s on the spectrum and says that might explain why he blurts things out, but “it does not excuse it.” After reading the responses, he told his wife to pass along an apology for how he phrased it, not for the actual message.
The core point is pretty simple: if your dating strategy is built on mixed signals, secret tests, and pretending not to care, you’re going to scare off the people who take your words at face value and respect your boundaries. Then you’re left wondering why only the wrong people stick around.
The “make him fight for you” thing might have flown when everyone was 16 and living on bad rom-coms. At 32, it’s not cute or empowering. It’s sabotage.
If you want a grown-up relationship, you have to show actual interest, communicate clearly, and stop expecting people to pass tests they never agreed to. Otherwise, you’ll keep attracting the exact kind of partner you swear you’re done with.
So no, this husband isn’t some monster for calling it “idiotic.” Could he have been gentler? Sure. But after years of soft-pedaled advice that clearly went nowhere, a blunt reality check might be the only thing that ever lands.
If this kind of self-inflicted dating chaos sounds familiar, you’re not alone. I’ve already written about people sharing the exact moment they realized they were dating someone who… wasn’t exactly operating on genius level, and another piece on women who are simply walking away from modern dating altogether and don’t regret it one bit.
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